Know Your Frenemy

"This is a handy quiz to help you evaluate a relationship you might suspect of involving a frenemy. This has not been peer reviewed but has been helpful to me at times when I’ve had to assess a relationship." - Arthur

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1/5

When I do things for fun with this person, I often feel uncomfortable or ill at ease because I can’t quite relax.

2/5

When this person helps me, I often don’t feel like the advice or assistance is genuine or in my best interest.

3/5

I don’t trust this person to keep my secrets confidential.

4/5

This person may or may not be there for me when I really need them.

5/5

This person doesn’t consistently support or encourage me, and I suspect doesn’t truly want me to be happy or successful.

Based on your assessment, this individual scored %userscore%

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Based on your assessment, this individual scored %userscore%

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This individual scored %userscore% A score of 20 or above suggests the person may be a frenemy. They might appear as a friend but exhibit behaviors that are not characteristic of a true friend, such as being competitive, jealous, untrustworthy, or manipulative.

Based on these results you should look for a friend based on the science. Researchers in the Journal of Happiness Studies in 2007 broke the role of real friends into six basic dimensions:
  1. Companionship: Real friends do things together that they enjoy, and they like being together.
  2. Help: Real friends offer assistance and aid that truly benefits the other.
  3. Intimacy: Real friends can honestly confide in each other and share private information without fear of betrayal.
  4. Reliable alliance: Real friends can count on each other to be there for them, no matter what.
  5. Self-validation: Real friends support and encourage each other, genuinely hoping for the other’s happiness and success.
  6. Emotional security: Real friends comfort and reassure each other through difficult times.
Learn more in my column, “Know Your Frenemy” at The Atlantic.
This individual scored %userscore% Scores in the 11-19 bracket suggest caution. While not definitively a frenemy, there may be some behaviors or aspects of the relationship that warrant attention and careful observation.

Stay watchful with this friend and use this research from the Journal of Happiness Studies. In 2007, real friends were placed into six basic dimensions:
  1. Companionship: Real friends do things together that they enjoy, and they like being together.
  2. Help: Real friends offer assistance and aid that truly benefits the other.
  3. Intimacy: Real friends can honestly confide in each other and share private information without fear of betrayal.
  4. Reliable alliance: Real friends can count on each other to be there for them, no matter what.
  5. Self-validation: Real friends support and encourage each other, genuinely hoping for the other’s happiness and success.
  6. Emotional security: Real friends comfort and reassure each other through difficult times.
Learn more in my column, “Know Your Frenemy” at The Atlantic.
This individual scored %userscore% A score under 10 indicates this person is likely to be a genuine, long-term friend—or have the potential to be one. They likely display traits of true friendship, such as trustworthiness, supportiveness, and genuine care for your well-being.

You’ve got the makings of a great friend! In 2007, researcher from the Journal of Happiness Studies broke the role of real friends into six basic dimensions:
  1. Companionship: Real friends do things together that they enjoy, and they like being together.
  2. Help: Real friends offer assistance and aid that truly benefits the other.
  3. Intimacy: Real friends can honestly confide in each other and share private information without fear of betrayal.
  4. Reliable alliance: Real friends can count on each other to be there for them, no matter what.
  5. Self-validation: Real friends support and encourage each other, genuinely hoping for the other’s happiness and success.
  6. Emotional security: Real friends comfort and reassure each other through difficult times.
Learn more in my column, “Know Your Frenemy” at The Atlantic.